Harutoki 5: Fukuchi's Route

"I can hear his heartbeat, he's alive..."

I had to use a guide for this one too.  I still don't know how I got it.  It just showed up after a few tries.  And boy, I'm still shaking.  I have to wait a while to pick it back up.  There are points in this game that I really wish I didn't understand what was going on.  I wish so hard I could have just played through his route happily, but I knew.  I knew the second Komatsu said they found his journal and found the flower in it that he had killed himself.  I tried with all my might not to put the game down after you go back and find him before he does it.  I was literally sick when he told me to go back inside and that he didn't want me to hear it.  I've seen so many real suicide attempts that I knew what was going on even when they didn't show me what exactly was happening.  I was sitting there thinking "I wish I would have never bought this game"  However, it's been weird.  After you break the chains and he sleeps with you in your room, I felt a strange calm.  You keep waking up in the night with nightmares only to find him next to you.  It happens three of four times and she has to check to see if he's still alive.  It struck me so close because I've been through that.  I know exactly what that is like.  The night after my mom found my dad, we were staying over at my uncle's house on makeshift beds.  My mother would wake up every hour with a start and hold us, making sure that we didn't leave her.
It's just weird that I feel so at peace, almost like a cleansing.  Like the game was expressing this fear that I have kept inside for so long.  I've been into time travel themed things for a while now, but this is the first time that It's actually been used for what I've wished so long to use it for if I had it.  It's almost like I felt like I saved my friend or my aunt or my dad.  And just like magic, he's cured, never to try again.  While I know that that's not how it goes, I still feel this strange calm.

After that event, I couldn't get back into liking this character because of how close it hit to home.  It was just so... I don't know, the more I think about it the more it hurts me especially since I loved his personality and design.  It's just a grim reminder that I'll lose more people that way and I don't need a game to remind me of the horrible crap I've been through, especially by the character I liked the most.

He had some really funny scenes too like when you first take him to your house and say "This is my house" which sounds a lot like "This is my Ouchi or his first name"  He's gets all shy and blushy.  Another great scene is shyun is doing something with you and Fukuchi overhears you call him "brother" and he's all like "Can I be your brother?"  Of course you're all "you want to be my brother!?"

Gah, but this poor guy has like a million scars from who knows what, persecution for being a demon and stuff.  It's just so dang depressing.  Thanks for ruining my gaming experience Fukuchi.  THANKS.